Lovin' Lasik

OMG! Why did I not do this any sooner? This "surgery" is life-changing. I have been dependent on corrective lenses since the 4th grade. I went from big to bigger to biggest glasses (even sported a pair of Sally Jessy's, except that mine were a little more classy in burgundy) before I was allowed to graduate to contacts. Then the kids come and things start drying up...i'm talking about my eyes, you perverts. So, I go back to the glasses. Over the course of 3 years Dominic has broken 2 pairs with perfectly executed body slams. And invariably at least 17 times a day I get clocked in the face with some flailing limb and the bridge of my glasses is crushed into the bridge of my nose making me want to crush my children, but lucky for them I am in too much pain to move. So, I finally said enough is enough and I started my research and before you know it I am setting up my consultation and surgery.

All I have ever heard about the surgery is that it only takes a couple of minutes per eye and is completely painless. Piece of cake. But in my mind's eye, all i can think of is the movie, Fire in the Sky, where the guy is abducted by aliens, sucked up into the mothership and strapped to a gurney upon which they begin to perform a barrage of experiments. My most vivid memory of this whole movie is the scene where they proceed to put these clamps under the lids of both eyes forcing him to watch as these giant needles descend from the ceiling until they pierce his eyeballs straight through the iris. In reality, Lasik is a lot like what i just described only minus the aliens and big needles.

If you refer to the diagram I constructed and posted below, I will try to walk you through the surgery. Remember it's only 2 minutes in each eye! So, first they numb your eyes up with a gazillion drops that within seconds you can taste in the back of your mouth. Disgusting right off the bat. Then they cover one eye with a sheet while they clamp open the other eye. The clamps feel somewhat forgiving when you try to blink even though your eyelids probably barely move, but within a matter of seconds you don't even try anymore. Something is placed smack on top of your open eye and the DR says "suction". Something else is immediately placed on top of that which I can only presume is precisely sizing up your cornea because the next thing you hear is the sound of a high powered drill. At this point I felt a quick burst of pain and while subtle, was still pain. This pain lasted only a few seconds and was the actual cutting of my cornea because the next thing i SAW (yes, SAW) was my cornea being flipped back. Then they tell me how good I'm doing and I say, "SHUT THE F$#& UP and GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE WITH MY EYEBALLS INTACT" and I remember this is only my first eye.

Enter the Wave Front Laser. So, now they are telling ME to SHUT UP and look at the green and red flashing light and you hear this zapping sound like when you microwave aluminum foil and both the lights and the zapping keep getting closer and closer. And the smell. It smells like the laser is burning the flesh right off my eyeball. It isn't, but that is what I imagine it would smell like. After about 45-60 seconds of looking at this laser it is done, your cornea is flapped back down, the clamps are removed from your eye and they tell you to keep your eye closed while they fix the other one. OH GOD, NOT THE OTHER ONE! At this point I realize I probably have 3 seconds at best to decide if I want to live the rest of my life with perfect vision in just one eye. Too late, they have already clamped my other eye and I hear the DR say "suction"!

2 minutes later they tell me I am done and help me sit up. I look at the clock and can kind of make out the numbers but they are really blurry. Previous to the surgery, I would have been able to see this round thing on the wall and known it was probably a clock, but would never have been able to make out the time. I think the surgery was successful. They tell me the blurring is normal. I ask if it is because my eyeballs are bleeding? They reassure me my eyeballs are not bleeding and I schedule my post-op for the next morning. I leave with my little kit of goodies: antibiotic and steriod drops, rewetting drops, cheap looking Terminator sunglasses and snow boarding goggles to sleep in so I don't rub my eyes in my sleep. They say the flap takes 2 full days to permanently heal. With my kids, I wore my snow boarding goggles for 2 full days.

The next day at my post op...20/20 people!!! AMAZING!!! Despite my graphic play by play of the surgery, I would do it again in a heartbeat and recommend it to everyone considering it. Prior to surgery I was a -4.5 in one eye and -5 in the other. They said anything under -6 is ideal for surgery and 20/20 is the result in about 80% of cases, with the resulting 20% at 20/30 or so. I still wake up really blurry in the morning and reach for my glasses, but then i realize I don't need them anymore I just need to give my eyes a minute to totally wake up.

Johnny Nash was not only the writer and producer of this oldy but goody, he was apparently clairvoyant too:
I can see clearly now that part of my cornea is gone;
I can see all obstacles in my way...

Australia - Part I

This summer I had the opportunity of a lifetime to accompany my husband to Sydney. This is one of the perks of being married to an internat'l pimp recruiter. Sometimes I get a taste of the good life too;) We flyin' first class up in the sky... you tell 'em Fergie.

Since I only had a week, we did all the touristy things... took the Harbour Cruise, bus tours of the city and beaches (which is where we are headed in this picture), walked through the Rocks, hit the Wharf and ate like it was going out of style. Anyone that knows me, knows this is not really out of the ordinary for me, but on this trip I really stepped it up a notch. Concierge level at the Marriott basically means free food 24/7. I ate 20/6 and only because I had to leave the hotel in order to get my fill of Sushi train. Sushi on demand! Not that you have to wait very long for sushi to be prepared, but when it sails around ripe for the pickin' on a conveyor belt , well it doesn't get much better than that in my book. It is really amazing I saw any of Sydney at all. I can eat nonstop and as you can clearly see, it shows in the photos (that is if i dare to load any). And I don't. All you get is a head shot of us on the bus and another shot of the opera house from our room. Stay tuned for Part II.

The Stay-c Report (on my addictions)

Just to recap for you:

In = http://parlottoposse.blogspot.com/
5 minutes ago = http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=
user.viewprofile&friendid=81394769
Out = http://www.parlotto.org

And MySpace was literally 5 minutes ago when I was ripping off all of Alli's newly added photos and adding them to my site. Thanks for helping me keep my content current;).

There's a new sherriff in town

The kids love to tour our local fire and police stations and the moms love the uniformed eye-candy, so here we are on our most recent trip. We get to see where the firemen hang out, sleep and eat and the best part of all...their rides. Dominic loves his trucks, so he is always the first in line to jump inside the big fire trucks.

Then we mosey on over to the police station and get a quick tour of jail! I appreciated that part of the tour the most. Threatening them with JAIL works a lot better when they have a visual to refer to.

We play "cops" alot at home because unlike his sister and her never ending collection of princess dress up costumes, Dominic only has a few to choose from...the cops being his favorite because it comes with handcuffs and he LOVES to "under arrest" anyone who will let him cuff 'em. Here he caught Snow White naked and "under arrested" her for indecent exposure!

American Adventures

This is another of our FAVORITE places to go in the summer time. American Adven- tures! This is a total toddler park complete with 12 shade covered rides, foam factory, miniature golf and my personal favorite - dippin' dots! As you can see they have something for everyone... teacups, the train, the swings and so much more. Thankfully, on this trip I did not have to brave the swings. (And you know we fought like cats and dogs over who was going to have to ride them because Brian can't stand spinning rides either. You would think the mere fact that I have to go on them every other time I take the kids without him would be my Ace in the hole, but no...a fight must ensue before he gives in.) Ever since giving birth, my body just cannot tolerate good old amusement park rides. At least that is the excuse i am using. Could be just another side effect of old age? Everything from the Pirate Ship, to the kiddie roller coaster, to the hot air balloon ride, straight down to the Crazy Bus, which isn't all that crazy, makes me wanna hurl. But not these kids. Dominic could ride the rickety rocket of a roller coaster open to close and still want more. Me and my arse just thank God for the dippin dots!

Doug E Fresh

Yes ladies, another single and LOOKING man in my life. *All those interested pls leave your name, number and cup size in the comments below.

This young strapping stud is my other brother, Doug. Yes, the one with the giant tattoo of what appears to be a dragon on his arm. Is that for real? If so, when did you get all inked up? Do they allow such unrefined acts of rebellion at Burberry? Well, I'll be seeing you soon enough to know if it was just some henna.

And ladies, Chief is probably single too, so holla back if you like penta-lingual men! Peace out to you too!

A Cousin is Conceived!!!

So, yes Alli is prego, knocked up, got a bun in the oven, whatever you wanna call it. And we here at the Parlotto Pad couldn't be more excited! Our prayers for a little cousin have been answered in the form of a what??? That's right, a BOY!! See her little baby bump as she poses next to her latest baby purchase... her new magnum mom mobile. No need to P.I.M.P. that ride! Well, congrats to both you and Levent! We are so happy for the both of you, but mainly for us for we will now have a little cousin to grow up with. Keep the belly pictures coming! We love you guys!

My China Pimp of a Blogless Brother

My husband's work, as an internat'l pimp recruiter, has him traveling all over the world. In June, he went to Tokyo where he met up with my brother, Greg, who is currently living in Hangzhou, China. Greg, I must add, has been a great inspiration to me to start blogging. Now that I know how easy it is to get one of these things up and running (yes, I am retarded), I have to wonder why his last post was Dec of 2006? And in the less than the 24 hours I have had this site, how is it possible that i have posted more than he did in all of 2006? I know his posts are much longer, his pictures digitally enhanced and edited, his content more intellectually stimulating and occasionally profound, but come on...he's an English Major by trade! Me, a mere housewife. I know pimpin ain't easy, but when it starts to interfere with you communicating with the rest of your family half a world away, then it's time to get a real job. See for yourself: http://sinobling.sinosplice.com/

Virgin Festival - Baltimore

Who am i kidding? I am too old for this shit! This concert was a 2 day, all day, festival held at Pimlico stadium in Baltimore in July. Temp was roughly 115 in the shade and the only shade to be had was in the port-o- potties. So, let's just say we all had a grand time melting together to some very fine music.

The first 2 pictures are before and after pictures of Brian's super cool airport shades. Note to self: Don't stick your cheapo sunglasses in your back pocket and sit down. Also in the before picture if you look closely, you will see a giant Irishman with a very cool band tee on. That's our bud, also named, Brian. He is single and LOOKING ladies!! Do you see those arms??

The lineup seemed to change so much right up until the concert, I was so pissed to find the Killers were not playing. Maybe I got confused with last year's lineup, but anywho, we did see some good acts. We arrived late the first day and by the time we got there Amy Winehouse was playing on the mainstage. Then we saw Peter Bjorn and John, LCD Soundsystem, the Beastie Boys and finally The Police.

This is about the time I really start to feel my age. Did i mention the concert took place on the infield of a horse track? And that I wore my $2.50 Old Navy absolutely no support flip flops? Well, during the Beastie Boys we pushed our way as close up to the stage as we could. As soon as they finished we worked our way up even closer for the Police. At this point we are all sardined together. I am barely 5'1" in my ON flip flops. I AM the shortest person at this concert. All I can see when I spin 360 is armpits. All i can smell is armpits. Their is NO circulation down here. The air is stagnant, very hot and smelly. So, I decided to put my God given man calves to good use and stand on my tiptoes, so I am now at shoulder height, for the next 30 minutes until the Police take the stage. They are about halfway through Message in a Bottle, like the 6th song, and I have to give in. My legs and feet are absolutely killing me at this point and I turn to Brian and tell him i have to get the hell out of there. Weaving our way out of that crowd must have taken us a good 10 minutes. I headed straight for the re-charge tent where they housed the only chairs in the entire venue (excluding VIP naturally). I remained there for the rest of their set which included 2 encores. I couldn't even see the stage and didn't even care. I could hear them just fine. The lesson learned? I am a one concert kind of girl anymore. My days of festivals are either long gone or I need to seriously train before I ever fathom attending one again. My saving grace? Brian bought tickets to go see The Police when they come to Atlanta in November!

Angelina Jade

So, Auntie Marla finally had her beautiful and healthy baby girl! Angelina Jade (I know, sounds like a stripper name...we have already been through this...apparently her parents did not agree). Born on July 27, 2007 at a fighting weight of 7lbs 90z and 20 in long.

She couldn't be more precious. We are all so very happy for Marla and Perry and so glad to finally be welcoming them to "the club". You are both going to make wonderful parents! We love you guys!

Feeding the ducks

So we have this lake at the front of our neighborhood and we always see these ducks, or geese I should say, swimming around, so the other day we went down to feed them with our friends, Sam and Will. Twenty minutes and half a loaf of bread later, we finally see them heading our way. The kids had a great time and as you could see were not the least bit afraid.

Hey Good Lookin'! Whatcha Got Cookin'?

Peek-a-Boo! It's Cooking w/ Dominic and Aurora time! These guys love to cook. My favorite: Peanut butter, bacon, broccoli and chocolate donut sandwich.

If you click on the picture with Aurora's profile, notice the scratch marks on her face. She got into a cat fight, literally, with George, our friend Miss Deann's cat. She was bleeding from her face, back of her head, neck, arms and legs. You should see the cat! The next time we saw George, however, Aurora approached him as if nothing had ever happened arms outstretched trying to hug him. They have since made up.

Bad, and I mean, BAD hair day!

Just to make sure you get the full effect of this rats nest, I provided both profile and straight on shots of this mess of a do. I don't know what that kid does in his sleep, but every morning it's a variation of this. But still I keep his hair long... I love it!

Acworth Beach

Acworth's best kept secret is by far Acworth Beach. We went here one day after school last year and I swore this would be our home away from home once school let out. The next time we returned was the day before school started up again. I couldn't believe I had let the whole summer slide by without visiting here more. The kids love it! Both of them are fearless here. They wade into the water up to their necks and sometimes even further all before I even have camp set up, so next thing you know I'm sprinting into the water Baywatch style to pull them into more shallow water. By the looks of these 2 it's pretty easy to determine which one is more prone to sinking. Dominic is usually sporting arm floats and inside an innertube. If anything, he will float out of the water before he ever sinks. He's pretty cautious for an extreme kid!

Who's afraid of Sharks?

All the other teams in the Legacy Park soccer league, that's who! Dominic played soccer this past Spring for the Sharks and daddy coached. It was more of a laugh fest for the parents than anything else. It was so funny! Especially the first game...you have all the parents on the sidelines yelling at a bunch of 3 year olds to go and get the ball away from so and so. "Really, it's OK, go and steal that ball away from little Johnny. Kick him in the shins if you have to. It won't hurt, he's got shin guards on.", the other mom said. This, after being told for the past 3 years of life not to take toys away from other children, can be quite confusing. And it was! We are sitting this season out and waiting for T-ball!

Move over Mary Lou, there's a new tumbler in town!

Aurora takes Mommy and Me gymnastics on Fridays while Dominic is at school and is fantastic! (This one too is a total athlete, just like her mama!) She loves it! I can't believe it. She sits there and waits for instruction from her teacher, waits her turn on equipment and is always the one who volunteers to demonstrate something only because she is so anxious to take a turn. When Dominic took gymnastics last year, I spent more time running after him and trying to keep him with the group than anything else. With Aurora, I don't even need to be there. She just loves it and can't wait for Fridays to come. With this and FREE cones from Brewsters after we pick her brother up from school, who wouldn't?

Hillcrest Apple Orchard

This weekend we drove up north to Ellijay to visit an apple orchard. We had so much fun. The idea was to go and pick a bunch of apples, but there was so much other stuff to do the apples we did pick we fed to the horses and left with none. We did, however, visit the petting zoo and as you can see here, Aurora did more than just pet them, she rode them too! There was only one casualty and that was the baby bunny Aurora tried to ride...just kidding;) Look at her with that baby puppy! I think Luca needs a little brother! I am telling you, that Aurora has turned into quite the little ham lately. She is so much more calm and just fun to be around! As you can see the kids loved this place.

Dominic was more into racing the monster John Deere trikes. As you can probably imagine, he WON! He beat them all! This kid is so fast he was passing kids on the inside dirt path and everything. Taking turns on two wheels. The kid is a speed freak!

And who doesn't like a $5 - 5 second pony ride? Dominic told the guy he could do it himself and didn't need any help. But look at Aurora in the back holding on to her Prince's finger. OMG! Our little daddy's girl...

My little Picasso

The kids LOVE to paint! Aurora's specialty - face painting. And without a mirror! She is truly a gifted artist. First she paints her fingers and then with those she paints her lips, legs, belly and any other areas of exposed skin she can get to. Even sprinkles get painted! Thank goodness for washable paints;)

Our very own Little Miss Sunshine!

So today i am upstairs trying to get a quick load of laundry in when i hear Dominic yelling from downstairs, "mom, aurora's got your lipsick...mom, mom..." It never fails, unless i hang my purse from the ceiling fan she is in my purse looking for makeup. I rarely wear it, but when i do it is put on in the car, hence why it is in my purse to begin with... So, here was her handy work today;)